Enjoying What You Have
I have achieved the realization that it would be better if I didn't eat. I have had 9 months of what is probably the most peaceful life I have had in many years. I am ready to return to work. Thank you to everyone who helped me have this time to rest and enjoy what there is to enjoy about my life.take a guess
So, I am here in Utah. I have been fasting for several days at at time. What's the reason for that? Well, I'm improving my health and digestion, establishing a practice of moderation and peace of mind. I think it's the best thing to do as my way of preparing for the next phase of my life. What will that be? That's worth some amount of meditation.
In the midst of that effort, I have received "data", perceptions in the environment of uncertainty, confusion and scarcity. These perceptions are bothersome. My personality naturally solves problems, so the mere idea that there is a problem or something "wrong" inspires my mind and heart to start the process of solving the problem and making things "right". These perceptions are illusions. Everything is perfect. All is well. However, the practical reality of that and my minds perceptions as conditioned by previous experiences are very different.
I have had experiences in my life that include the experience of starvation. Literal starvation. I know what it's like to be hungry and not eat because there is no food available. I have had the experience on more than one occasion and in more than one circumstance. The practical meaning of those experiences is: When I perceive scarcity, I experience a sense of needing to consume something, to implement some sort of action to "solve" the "problem" of scarcity. But, the scarcity is not real. It's an illusion. I am not hungry. I can wait until the day that intended to eat. I am well. All is well.
Actually, hunger is not a factor. I don't feel hungry or more hungry than I would usually feel at this time in my fasting schedule, but I do have a perception of wanting to consume, to have something that I would not have during what I would perceive as a time of scarcity. It's sort of like being on vacation and knowing that you'll be returning to work in just a few days and then you get the idea in your head that you want to do everything you could only do on vacation. In actuality, those many activities and "things" that you could only do while on vacation are activities and things that you wouldn't do and don't actually want to do in any other circumstance, but it's available so, you'd like to do it. It's weird.
Anyway, I am okay. I have had 9 months of what is probably the most peaceful life I have had in many years. I am ready to return to work. Thank you to everyone who helped me have this time to rest and enjoy what there is to enjoy about my life.