40 Years. What Life Would You Live?
What is the spiritual meaning of being thin, being hungry, depriving yourself? Meditate on the effects of deprivation and sacrifice. What does it mean to immerse yourself within a life that characterizes satisfaction as failure or weakness?take a guess
What do you believe about the world? What do you believe about yourself?
Many people believe that achieving their goals is a dream that they will never realize, that goals and dreams are just mechanisms to keep humans involved in what Buddhism describes as "suffering".
But, is that really true? Is that true for you?
I am in the process of crafting a new life. I'm choosing the person I would like to be for the next 40 years. Yes. 40 years. It is likely that I will live for an additional 40 years. Who would I like to be for those 40 years? Hmm. That's an interesting question.
After a childhood of being chubby, plump and eventually obese, I developed a true desire to be a thin, healthy, active person. I achieved that goal. After experiencing life as a 300lb woman, I experienced the joy that is fitting into a size 2. I walked for hours and hours in Central Park to achieve this goal. I dieted for years. I was hungry practically every moment of everyday for years. It was worth every bit of effort, every single activity that created that tiny body was worth it. And, now, as I sit here, full, indulgent, strong and sturdy, I have this thought in my mind that I would like to be a size 2 again.
As much as I would like to believe that I would like to have that body again, I know that it is not true. I am a different person, living a different sort of life than I had while that was so important to me. It may seem strange, but it is true that your body is very much related to who and what you are, the role you have in the world and in your relationships.
What is the spiritual meaning of being thin, being hungry, depriving yourself? Meditate on the effects of deprivation and sacrifice. What does it mean to immerse yourself within a life that characterizes satisfaction as failure or weakness?
Who are the people who live such lives? Performers. Athletes. While they are living the lives of performers and athletes, sacrifice is very much integral to what they do, how they work and how well they work.
I have come to realize that I have "graduated" from performing and I have also "graduated" from being an athlete. Now, I support others with achieving their goals. I write the words, craft the emotions and the scenes that actors present. This new life and role in the world belongs to someone with a larger body, a strong person who has something they are willing to share.
I do remember the joy of being a size 2. That life has inspired many stories that I am enjoying writing.
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